it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
