I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You can't special order awesome
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
