He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
