i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
