Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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