So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
