Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
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