So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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