so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
