Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My cat gives me a boner
im having a threesome with these popsicles
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
