im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
