Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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