trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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