bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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