Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
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I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
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i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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