worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You pole danced in your parka.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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