We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
