the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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