the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
