Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
