Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
