I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I licked your asshole in confidence.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
