Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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