her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
