the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Couch. On fire.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
