I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
