no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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