dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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