apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize