new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
