Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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