this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize
