i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
