That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
