I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
