she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
