God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
it's great music for shaving your balls
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
