She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
ttyl tear gas
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
