I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Drake has all the answers
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
