Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
