their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
