i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Even my vagina gasped.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
