I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
