East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Randomize
