If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
