I'm gonna have a badass scar
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We need to get me chipped asap
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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