bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
