It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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