The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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