I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
