so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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