put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
