I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Hippo gnu deer
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
