definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Randomize
