I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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