Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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