The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Randomize
