Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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