I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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