The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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