I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
