We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
