i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
