Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
