It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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