You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
