no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
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I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
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how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
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