she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Drunk is a universal language darling
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
