I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
