I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i think i have two assholes
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
