I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
