somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
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he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
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My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I deserve this hangover.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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