You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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