I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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