Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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