So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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