like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
