if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
