He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
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you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
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Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I want a musical about memes.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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