Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
