You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize