Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
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i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
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Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
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