omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
