So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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