yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
His nipple licking is glorious
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