the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
