I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
