walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
